Rain, rain, go away

MOSCOW 5/28/09 - When a Russian woman was rebuffed in her marriage proposal, she then got her boyfriend drunk at their breakup dinner and proceeded to detonate fireworks on his penis. She now faces 12 years imprisonment. {metro}

LONG ISLAND 6/4/09 - A deli owner who made headlines when he showed mercy to a would be robber by brandishing his rifle and then giving the failed-con a loaf of bread and $40, was busted only 2 weeks later for selling weed pipes in his store. So much for compassionate care. {daily news}

MATTER 6/11/09 - For all you chem-heads, a new element has been introduced to the Periodic Table and it is the heaviest element on the table. To date scientist are still looking for a new name. {sari}

VRIGINIA 6/12/09 - To curb sexual activity, Virginia's largest women's prison has decided to segregate lesbian-LOOKING inmates from the rest of the population. {conan}

EARTH 6/14/09 - A 14 year old boy somehow survived a 30,000 mph pea-sized meteorite crashing into his hand. This is only the 2nd documented case of a non-fatal meteorite impact. {telegraph}

BRITAIN 6/29/09 - BBC News Magazine had a 13 year old trade in his ipod for a walkman and document his thoughts. Pretty funny stuff that makes me feel old as I rocked a walkman when I first moved to nyc.

A recent study states that 50% of women have used a vibrator and more than 45% of men have incorporated them into their sex lives. Granted the study was done by Trojan Condoms, but here's to vibrating pleasure!

In honor of India overturning their gay sex ban:

I give you some funny brown:




HAPPY 4TH! BE SAFE!

Flying Pigs

{lama}

For the ex-Vice President who could call you an unpatriotic piece of terrorist liberal shit without breaking a sweat, Dick Cheney has been on the speaking circuit recently and lo and behold, hell has frozen over:

Cheney essentially admits that our original pretense for the Iraq War was false: "I do not believe and have never seen any evidence to confirm that [Hussein] was involved in 9/11."

Now if that wasn't weird enough, in the SAME speech he actually throws his support to gay marriage:

"I think, you know, freedom means freedom for everyone," Cheney said in a speech at the National Press Club. "I think people ought to be free to enter into any kind of union they wish, any kind of arrangement they wish."

Cheney, whose daughter is gay, thinks it should be a state issue.
(National Post)

Retro Futuro

~side note: i joined lunch chorus in high school due to the request a cute girl.



~ My stomach has been turning over the mere premise of this procedure for years.

~Finally ultimate frisbee gets some press...tho in the "style" section of the NYTimes.

~If this is real, then god bless women with brains.

~I've been thinking about checking out some NYU Continuing Education classes, but even for a school that financially forced it's faux-ivy status 15 years ago, this shit is shameful.

~From our SF correspondent, word of a competition I can really get into. Though it already came earlier this month, there's always next year all you lonely souls.

~From the dangerous Pennsylvania back country, I am reminded why I hate drinking games as word reached all the up to the great white north that a man was killed over beer pong.

~Just to remind you sun worshippers how great having seasons is, check out yet another diamond from our SF correspondent.

April Showers

- The Washington Post reported that Obama recently met with the [Grateful] Dead. "After admiring the Scarlet Begonias, the band went next door to the Eisenhower Executive Office Building to meet with the most prominent Deadheads in the Obama White House: senior advisors David Axelrod and Pete Rouse, and deputy chief of staff Jim Messina. All three are planning to go to tonight's one and only Dead show in Washington..." {g.kral}

-Apparently there's this electric cigarette that vaporizes nicotine, thus eliminating the most harmul part: smoke. Check it out HERE. {jc}

-Gothamist recently made me aware of this sad craze of "Pumping Parties" where people who can't afford legitimate silicone implants, take a DIY approach and inject themselves with "industrial-grade silicone, available at most hardware stores.... but one E.R. doctor says substitutes like castor oil, mineral oil, petroleum jelly and even automobile transmission fluid have been used."

-Happy Holidaze for all my heads!

Tax Day is

TEA BAG DAY in honor of the Boston Tea Party.......and the RNC wants you to send those lousy liberal Dems a tea bag HERE.

Spring Chickens

~ A SF writer postulates on using boobs as an energy source HERE.

~ Props to Kal Penn for ditching Hollywood for eastside's Tinseltown and becoming the associate director of the White House Office of Public Liaison. Sounds like a great PR gig for a stoner from Jers. Go Brown!!!

~ From the land down under, we get reports of a mother arrested for drunk driving and breast feeding AT THE SAME TIME!!! HERE.

~ Fox news told me that Obama hosted a seder dinner in honor of the chosen's tribe Passover holiday. However, unlike Clinton who did the same, Obama actually attended the dinner. Le Chaim!

~ And some news to put you in your place this Spring Friday:
One of this year's NYTimes scholarship winners is "a 20-year-old who immigrated from China with her parents in 2007 (but her parents returned, because it was too tough), makes $560/month and pays $550 in rent, leaving $10/month, 'which she spends carefully on large bags of rice, chicken leg quarters at 49 cents a pound, and whatever vegetables are cheapest.' Thanks to 'two free meals a day at school, a student MetroCard and the unexpected kind act— her English teacher, for instance, gave her $100,' she manages—and has a 93 average at her high school."

Thoughts?

NYTimes reports that Merengue star Elvis Crespo is being investigated for masturbating while in his seat in full view of fellow passengers on route from Houston to Miami.



{vivs}

"Which way to the Ground Zero Giftshop?"

{Doyle}

-The NZ Herald reports that "The severed head of King Badu Bonsu II is going home to Ghana, around 170 years after it was hacked off in retaliation for the slayings of two Dutch emissaries whose skulls were hung from the tribal leader's throne."

-Scientists from the University of Southern Mississippi have developed a form of polyurethane that repairs itself under ultraviolet light. {sciencemag.org}

-A Queens, NY construction worker used the financial whore Bernie Madoff's prison inmate number to win $1500 in the State lottery.

-Finally, peep the American tide HERE. {vivs}

Ides of March....plus 4

In 2007 lovers in the US broke the previous baby boomer record from 1957 by giving birth to the most babies in our nation's history with 4,317,119 bundles of joy.

Also, the Obama administration pledged to stop raiding state mandated marijuana dispensaries, while focusing on busting those who use state laws to only appear legal.

News of the Feared

{sis}
CHINA - NY Times states that in efforts to flout the Communist Party's draconian internet censorship, thousands of Chinese from "serious scholars to usually politically apathetic urban white-collar workers" have been perpetuating the legend of a mythic creature, the grass mud horse [as depicted in the cartoon above]. The conundrum is that when phonetically said in Chinese, grass mud horse sounds very similar to the Chinese idiom for "FUCK YOUR MOTHER."

ALBANY NY - The NY legislature is set to repeal the remaining vestiges of the 70's era Rockefeller drug laws that forces mandatory sentences for drug offenses and replaces it with treatment options without need for the prosecutor's consent.

INTERWEB 2.2 - John McCain's daughter, 24 year old Meghan, bitches about how her her father's Presidential campaign ruined her dating life HERE.
{angus}

WASHINGTON DC - Billy Corgan erased all validity from my emo years as he threw the memory of Melancholy and Infinite Sadness down the fuckin drain when he came out in support of the proposed Ticketmaster/Live Nation merger. Other notable performers that publicly supported this raping were: Eddie Van Halen, Seal, and Journey......and as musically.com interestingly reveals: all these performers, including Corgan, are "managed or co-managed by Front Line Management, whose boss Irving Azoff is also CEO of… Ticketmaster." I guess being married to Heidi Klum doesn't mean you think for yourself.

my car speakers are racist cuz they only blow out for hip hop

I knew that the whole reality TV craze would come to this. Some British reality loser wants to die on camera. Not unlike the >kid< that off-ed himself on his webcam, tho this chick wants it to be telecast all over Britain. >HERE<


In other news, the Vatican finally forgave John Lennon last November for saying the Beatles were bigger than Jesus. >HERE<

OBEY vs A.P.

From the Christian Science Monitor: The Associated Press is looking for compensation for Shepard Fairey's insanely popular "Hope" Obama campaign image. The image was originally taken by an AP photographer when Obama was listening to Kansas' Republican Senator Sam Brownback speak. Fairey is claiming Fair Use laws....... P.S. Nice percolating ROOR bong Mr. Phelps.

Props

Click HERE to see our brown pres. {lOCAL}



Click HERE to trip out. {jesse}

News From Around the World

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - Grandma the Clown from the Big Apple Circus rang the opening bell at the Stock Exchange last week, further highlighting the fact that the place is run by a bunch of greedy clowns.

GULF OF ADEN, INDIAN OCEAN - The Indian Navy had an overnight firefight and destroyed a pirate "mothership" in response to 8 ships in the area being hijacked this week alone. [who knew Indians were so.......so.......dangerous]

TOKYO, JAPAN - General Toshio Tamogami, chief of staff of Japan's Air Self-Defence Force, was dismissed after rationalizing Japan's World War II stance in an essay.


DUBAI, UNITED ARAB EMIRATES - Al Qaeda furthered it's position as just another racist religious organization with guns, as it called Obama a house negro.


MASSACHUSETTS, UNITED STATES - While filling up his gas tank in Medford MA, Varghese Chacko's Obama regalia caused the elderly local [white] gas attendant to comment, "We elected the right president cuz the gas prices are going down." The man then gave Chacko a handful of candy and bade him safe travels.

Later that weekend, Chacko paid $1.94 a gallon for regular octane gas in Deerfield MA, which was the first time in longer than he could remember that gas dipped below the $2/gallon mark.

WEB 2.0, EARTH - For a good laugh courtesy of our San Francisco correspondent, Aaron, click HERE.